Nate is the beloved leader and self-proclaimed dictator for life of Children at Play. He enjoys jazz music, quiet evenings at home, and beating Ryan over the head with a large metal pipe until his brains leak out his ears. He has the maturity of a 8 year old, the sex drive of a 18 year old, and the cynicism of a 80 year which yields what he calls the next Kurt Vonnegut, but is more like the next Groucho Marx.
Whelp, certain people have been on my back to make a profile, so I did, because I am a slave to the masses, and I do what the masses want me to do. Yeah for slavery!! 

Who am I? I am known by many names. some know me as Charles, perhaps Charlie, maybe Chuck, in some instances Wagn, I have been called Goodwin, Chaz and Chuckie, Charlie-bear & Chief. Mayhaps I go by Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. Some in far countries know me as LazukanAlianoPucchi. I have been called lord of the universe, and a $*@#*$*#er. One time someone called me Sally but they were talking to someone else.

How can I describe such a diverse man within the confines of words? Well I can’t.  I have a woman (whoo hoo), who goes by the name, Queen Bectoria whom I’m engaged to. I’m a DJ; I’m a poet; I snowboard; I’m a poser– I mean– No, no I’m not a poser; I’m totally cool. I just like to try new things… Yeah… that’s it. I’m my own person, unless someone tells me that being my own person isn’t cool, then I’d be someone else’s person… until individuality hopefully became cool again.

Whom is The Ryan? Many have sought to understand the being known as The Ryan. All have failed, and most have been driven insane as a reward for their efforts. The ones who werent driven insane were summarily smote by my Almighty Hand for their incredible hubris at not being driven insane by trying to understand The Ryan. The sheer audacity of them! 

In all seriousness… well maybe not seriousness, but in all realit..i…ness (I swear its a word, honest) there’s not a lot to me. Well, assuming you don’t count my ego. My friends always walk several steps behind me in hallways, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you thought it was because I’m cooler than they, but in fact it is because my ego takes up so much room around me. I got booted out of college for sleeping through too many classes, but in college is where I met Chuck, Chip, and the Immortal Boob. Nate I’ve known for quite a while at this point, although he was, obviously, at college, too. Most everything you ever see in this comic is either an actual conversation|event, or is fairly closely based on an actual conversation|event. Yes, even the monkey killings. That all stemmed from college, too. You see, there is a secret society of monkeys much like the Illuminati… Ive said too much…

IM CHIP! DEERRRRRRR!!!
*sound of door opening*
Chip- Hey, whats going on in here? WHO’S WRITING MY PROFILE!?!?!?!?
Ryan- *snicker*
Chip- REAL FUCKING FUNNY ASSHOLE!!!!
I Love Chuck, he is the greatest guy in the WHOOOOLLLE world. Hes da bomb. Hes so cool that he makes everyone else look super un-cool. Id do anything that he said, cause he is totally wonder-..oh hey Becky. Hows it going? What am I doing? Oh nothing, just um typing up some stuff for work. Yeah, yeah I know I don’t have a job, but if I did, Id um be typing this stuff up. Its practice. NO you cant read it, your not, OWW, why do u have to hit like that. Fine fine, Ill tell everyone that I wrote this and you didnt, will that make you feel better, jerk. No, I didnt say anything. Becky come back here, ALRIGHT, Ill say some nice stuff about you…Becky is a wonderful and beautiful girl, I’m engaged to her, and shes nothing like she is in the comic. There you happy? Girls are so sensitive. OWW, stop that, it hurts.
Little can be said of our pet monkeys… as so many have come-and-gone in the little time since we’ve begun to purchase them, that really no distinct traits have been visible. The pets are often much more astute and clever than the humans at Saint Christian’s College, unfortunately this intellect never goes to good use, as Ryan kills them before they can get up to anything constructive, or we basically corrupt them to be no better than your average college binge drinker.
Higgins and Murphy both dream of glory… with a bitchin’ classic rock soundtrack… That is, of course, if they actually sleep. It seems like they’re always up and about to fail at keeping the campus safe but succeeding in writing tickets for the already broke college students while drinking to excess from the goblet of authority.
Willard Scott is the evil talking daisy that lives in our kitchen, in the few comics hes appeared in he has developed a bitter one-sided rivalry with Nate, hypnotized Chip to become evil on command, and who knows what else. His lack of muscle tissue and inability to do little more than make idle threats to the inhabitants of our apartment has done very little to dampen his aspirations, grandiose though they may be. Willard Scott has no positive characteristics besides being very pretty and smelling nice.